Why Training Can't Get Where it Needs to Go!

How did we ever get somewhere we hadn’t been before without Google Earth or a GPS?  Oh, I remember, we used a map -- those impossible to refold paper maps that had a scale so you could take a ruler and mark up your route and measure your distance.  Now that’s really dating me.  Even my plug in the cigarette lighter Garmin is old hat.  Today, my Smartphone acts as my guide, navigating me here and there.  I really like it when the navigator alerts me when there are tolls so I can be ready to fork over my quarters or dollars and pay the price to travel the best route.  

When it comes to training, set your sights on your destination, map out the route and pay the toll.  Clear a path for training to become a rock solid contributor to your culture, efficiencies and bottom line. 

 

Still learning,

Honey

Five Best Practices for Branch Managers

How do we get others to do what we want them to do?  As a branch manager your job requires you to set expectations for performance; communicate those expectations, and monitor and evaluate the performance. Try these five best practices to promote excellence at your branch. 

1. You engage your team in a discussion of the quality of the work to be done and the time needed to do it so that they have a chance to add their input.  Continuously, you make a constant effort to fit the job to the skills and the needs of the workers.
2. You or a worker you have designated shows or models the job so that the worker who is to perform the job can see exactly what is expected.  At the same time, the workers are continually asked for their input as to what they believe may be a better way.
3. You ask the workers to inspect or evaluate their own work for quality, with the understanding that you are willing to accept that they know a great deal about how to produce high-quality work and will therefore listen to what they say.
4. You act as a facilitator in that you show workers that you have done everything possible to provide your team with the best tools and workplace as well as a non-coercive, non-adversarial atmosphere in which to do the job.
5. You routinely provide 20 minute coaching sessions to every member on your team to encourage excellence and to allow the employee to share their findings about inspecting and evaluating their own work.

    Want your staff to meet, even exceed, expectations?  Put these best practices to work!

    Still learning, 

    Honey

1. 
   

Performance Booster Series - Hear How to Improve Your Listening

When you focus only on yourself it creates all kinds of problems for you, especially when you are attempting to communicate with another person or them with you.  Many of us are busy thinking about what we want to say or have other issues on our mind that distract us.  

You might even be guilty of asking a question and not paying any attention to the other person's answer.  My children have accused me of that. At times, I have had to plead the Fifth Amendment on those charges; a few times I courageously owned up to it and sometimes I got defensive.  When you get caught red-handed on not listening it's embarrassing!

Learning to be "present" and becoming an attentive listener will change the quality of your communication skills and the success of your interpersonal relationships.  A skill worth developing, listening will boost your performance on the job and increase harmony at home!

Think about the last time you noticed someone obviously not paying attention when you were trying to communicate with them. What specific behaviors did the person exhibit that led you to believe that he or she was tuning you out?  What did you read into that?  Did you feel discounted or ignored?

Often when we think the listener isn't paying attention we choose to frustrate or become offended.  Next time you get tuned out and turned off by being ignored, consider it a wake-up call and take note to pay attention and respect when it’s your turn to listen.  Keep the focus on your listening skills; learn from others’ behaviors that you want to mirror and those you want to avoid.

If you want to discover more about listening behavior email me, honey@interaction-training.com  and request a complimentary copy of The Listening Self-Assessment.  It’s yours for the asking.

Still learning,

Honey

Gadgets Really Get Me

Are you like me, do you have a Kindle on your Smart Phone, a Sony Reader, the iPod Shuffle, the iPod Nano?  Did I mention two laptops?  So when you get ready to leave town you can't decide how many devices are coming with you?  Do you have a drawer you call the graveyard where old cell phones and outdated software are buried?  Do you have a couple of old PCs and a few printers tucked away in the garage?  How about all those phone charger cords?  Maybe I can string them around the Christmas tree and hang CDs spray painted with glitter on them.  

Next up, where am I supposed to be?  I have a calendar on my computer, on my website, on my phone and I still won't give up my Franklin Planner.  I am not sure what is synced to what, but am pretty sure I am out of sync with all that needs to be synced. On my cell phone I have apps that are constantly begging to be updated and most of my applications on my PC send me pop-up messages regarding updates routinely.  I see a homeless person and I question if I can afford to spare a dollar and yet I frequently make donations to iTunes.

I don't tell everyone but I don't want to give up my original PDA; my all-time favorite, the Palm Pilot. It was my first, we are very bonded.  Gadgets here, gadgets there, gadgets, gadgets everywhere.

I have wireless headsets to keep up with and have learned they don't survive the washer and dryer.  I feel the call of the newest iPad and the Kindle Fire.  QuickBooks, Quicken and others like them threaten me "update now, we no longer support your version."  I feel rejected and foolish.  I clip coupons to save 50 cents on laundry detergent and consider paying over $500 for the latest gadget.  What's wrong with this picture?

Amazon knows more about me personally and what I am interested in than most of my friends.  Pulling on my need to fit in by telling me all the time that people that bought what you bought also bought this and that.  Keeping up is expensive.

While I set here worrying about aging all my equipment and the programs that run on them are consider old after a year!  Software and hardware wear me out.  I thought all this technology was going to make my life easier.  Hello?  I am stressed out over having too much, not enough and staying updated!  I am going to have to end this blog and go online and download a stress management app, I hope it's not outdated when I remember to use it.

Still learning,

Honey

Coaching - There's Something About Mary

Mary shows up for the meeting without any paperwork and is sporting her angry face.  You inquire about the assignment and…

Mary     “I didn’t do it, I think this is ridiculous.  I do my job and I don’t appreciate being singled out to do some assignment about all this.”

The Coach        “Well, since you didn’t come prepared, you can finish the assignment now.”

Mary     “What if I don’t?”

The Coach        “What do you think will happen if you don’t?”

Mary     “I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem important to me.”

The Coach        “It’s important to your job, is your job important to you?”

Mary     “Well, yes but I don’t see the big deal here.”

The Coach        “It’s going to be as a big a deal as you make it.  I expect and want your cooperation.  I gave you an assignment, I expected you to finish it.  So here’s the pen, here’s the sheet you were working on last session so finish the assignment and I will be right back.”

You leave the room.  Come back in 5 minutes.

Tomorrow we will conclude coaching Mary.  She is a tough cookie and some of you have been Mary and some of you work with Mary.  The goal is to help Mary see that what she is doing is not going to help her get what she wants.

Does this sound too hard or too easy?  The challenge is stay focused on what you want to have happen.  It’s important you avoid being hooked by her self-defeating, over-empowered attitude and behavior.  Mary needs to get the picture of what is expected of her and to compare what she is doing to what is expected.

Tomorrow we will lower the boom with Mary and work on the outcome. 

Still learning,

Honey

Moving Forward…Coaching the "Chip on My Shoulder Employee"

Where are we?  Oh, yes, wishing Mary wasn't a pain.  The process I am sharing is NOT a quick fix.  It's a solution.  So here we go.

You had asked Mary to write down the behaviors and skills she thinks that are required in order to be very well thought of on the job.

On her list for behaviors she wrote:  Friendly, team player, dependable and professional.  Under skills she has: Know the job, accuracy, computer-related skills, and problem-solving.

You look over the list and tell her you think this is a great start.  Ask her to share her thinking about both lists.  Your job is to listen, to encourage her to speak about both lists.  Don’t ask her to defend what she came up with.  Ask her to share how she came up with it.  Inquire if there is anything more she wants to share about either list.

You are thinking she’s missing some behaviors and skills you expected.  And, you have witnessed first-hand that she is definitely falling short on excelling at several on her list but you don’t share your thinking.

“Mary, you and I are going to routinely meet.  And, we are going to meet to explore what you want, looking into what you need to do to get what you want, together we are going to build a plan to ensure you get what you want and we'll decide some ways to measure how close you are to getting what you want.  How does this sound to you?”

She is skeptical but agreeable.

Have her sign and date the list, make a copy for yourself, she keeps the original.

Give her the next assignment.

“Mary, look over the list each day for a few days, as you do ask yourself if there is anything you want to add.    Then before we meet a week from today I want you to rate yourself using the 1-5 scale on each behavior and skill.  Remember 1 would mean the lowest score you could give yourself, 5 would mean the highest score you could give yourself.  Bring this to our meeting next week so we can talk more about this.”

Stay tuned for Monday’s blog where we explore what else could have happened in this coaching session. Like, what to do if Mary simply won’t make a list or crosses her arms and folds them tight and scows at you in a very uncooperative manner refusing to participate.

Still learning,

Honey

More about Coaching the "Chip on My Shoulder Employee"

Let's keep the coaching going. Here's where we left off...

"Mary, I wanted to meet with you to determine something. I would like to know how well thought of you want to be as an employee of the company and as a member of my team. On a scale of 1-5 what would be the number that fits best – using a gauge of one meaning it doesn't matter and five meaning you want to be held in high regard, what number – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 would be the number you want?"

With reluctance Mary says I would be fine with a 4.5. You explain that 4.5 is a number you can support. Ask her to make a list of the behaviors and skills she believes are crucial to the success of someone in her position.

Be prepared to help Mary with the list BUT do not give her the list. Even leave the room while she works on this. Tell her you need to go to something and you will be back in 5 minutes or less and for her to just quickly make a stab at the list.

You could even give her a prepared sheet of paper with a line down the middle with one side labeled Behaviors and the other Skills.

The key is for Mary to begin to get the picture of what is required of someone who is well thought of - both by others and herself.

On tomorrow's blog we will pick this up. Stay tuned.

Still learning,

Honey

What to Do with the "Chip on my Shoulder" Employee

So here's the situation:

This employee consistently has a chip on her shoulder and her moodiness is a pain. The weather is more predictable. You go to work, the world looks pretty good to you, and the door opens and "trouble" has arrived.  As she whizzes by you without so much as a look you're thinking I need to address this.

Frequently her co-workers complain about her moodiness and her brisk and blunt comments to them. She demonstrates her angriness by slamming doors and huffing and puffing.

This isn't a new issue; this has been going on awhile. It’s not every day but it’s way too often. 

You've prayed it would change, you've approached the mine field around her work space with armor on and been told "I don't bother anyone and I don't want anyone to bother me. I am here to do my job and that's what I do."

You've brought the stressful, disruptive, unkind and sometimes rude behavior up in reviews with her but nothing changes.   She might never change but you must!  So let's get busy on this!

Here’s a question for you and suggestions:

As her manager what do you WANT to have happen? Get real, get honest. Here's what others with an employee such as I have described have told me. "I want the behavior to stop." Well, actually, they've also said things like "I would like to smack her." "I would like to fire her." "I wish she'd leave."

What you want to have happen needs to be in alignment with the company's policies and expectations.  It needs to align with your responsibilities as a manager and your personal value system.

You decide what you want. If you decide you want to address the behavior and create a mutual understanding of what needs to happen going forward I can help you.  Here is your assignment if you chose to take it:

1. Make a list of specific examples of recent behavior that you want to stop. Do not exaggerate. Be factual. Be descriptive. Do not be dramatic. Act like a reporter describing what you saw, heard and what others have reported.  Do not be prepared to go back over months or years or even throw the book at her but you must be able to describe in detail the behavior you saw, heard or was reported to you.

2. Schedule a coaching session; you can do this via email, phone or in-person. Here’s a suggestion on what to say.  “Please make plans to meet with me for 10-15 minutes Wednesday morning at 8:15.”   If she asks what's it about tell her you have some things to go over with her.  That’s all you tell her.

If you routinely (hope you do) coach then you are dedicating your next coaching session with Mary to addressing this issue.   Addressing is the beginning.  It is not the end.

Best practices for all coaching sessions: be calm, sit on the same side of the desk or sit around a table, have water for you and her, have a clock where you both can see it, have paper and pen for each of you. Do not answer your phone or email and put a do not disturb sign on the door.

3. "Mary, I wanted to meet with you to determine something. I would like to know how well thought of you want to be as an employee of the company and as a member of my team. On a scale of 1-5 what would be the number that fits best – using a gauge of one meaning it doesn't matter and five meaning you want to be held in high regard, what number – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 would be the number you want?"

Expect possible derailments of questions from Mary including what's this about, what do you mean, etc. Just stick to the script. You need her to answer the question.

You don’t defend, over explain or get into any behavior issues at this point.  Stay focused on this first question.

I will blog on this again tomorrow. Between now and then I want you to make a list of what you think you would say according to the number she gives you. Then you can compare you answers to mine.

Until tomorrow…

Still learning,

Honey

Where Did My Day Go?

If you’re like me that is not an uncommon question you ask of yourself.  I think knowing the answer is part of the solution to spending time wisely.  If stress and disappointment are knocking on your door telling you that either you have too much to do or that you just can't seem to get where you want to go then changing a few habits and building an action plan might be in order.

Do you think you’d be willing to keep a time log for a couple of weeks?    It will help you see if you’re making the best choices; choices that fit well with your values and your goals.

In my last blog I encouraged you to picture how your life would be better if you managed your time more effectively.  You want to write that out.   Keep your description handy so when you feel the tug of old habits you can quickly remember the value of making a few changes.  Changes that will help you get what you want.

Here is the second of five fast track tips on eliminating self-defeating habits.

2.  Carefully define the new habits you wish to develop. 

Consider what three time management habits you think would help you the most.   Write them down, describe each habit.  Be honest with yourself.  Gather the information you need to implement the change and visualize yourself putting the habit in place.  Develop a realistic action plan and get started.

Consider some of the staples of time mastery like planning, prioritizing and project planning.

Getting into the habit of planning might look like this:

First thing each day create your to-do-list so you get into the habit of planning. 

The habit of prioritizing works like this:

Review the list and determine what needs to happen by noon and give those items an A, everything that needs to be completed by 6 PM is marked a B and items that need to happen before you retire for the night are marked C.  Estimate the time you think is needed for each item on the list.  You will quickly know if your plan is realistic or not.  Adjust where needed.  Then determine what happens first for each section of the day.  Whenever you can, do what you LEAST want to do, first.

Learn how to master project planning.   

When you’re working on a project, estimate the total amount of time it will take to accomplish the project.  Work from your deadline date backwards to see how you can weave time into your schedule for the project.  Ideally you break the time into a stated period of time, i.e., 20-minute segments.  Set your alarm or timer to notify you when the 20 minutes is up.  Most of us can’t stop the workflow to work exclusively on a project but we can master segments of time devoted to the project.

A sense of accomplishment is a great motivator!  That is why list making and prioritizing will help you get done what is most urgent/most important. 

Pause your life for 10 minutes and come up with your list of new habits you are willing to build an action plan around so you can have the TIME OF YOUR LIFE!

Stay tuned, step three is coming next…

Still learning,

Honey

Getting What You Want Series - It’s in the Doing

Doing is about choices and can best be described as our thinking and acting.  Both are voluntary and primary influencers with regard to how we feel since our emotions follow our thinking and acting.  Genetically we are encoded to feel good so all of our doing from our first breath to our last, whether conscientiously or not is our best attempt to feel good.   

Easier said than done; the challenge is to become purposeful and intentional with our doing.  A best practice is to learn how to evaluate what promotes our well-being and what sabotages it.  Utilizing self-examination and explaining our doing will play a vital role to feeling good and to sustaining a meaningful life.

Another way to look at doing is to consider it the development and execution of the strategies needed to get what we want.

Lining Up Your Doing Strategies with Your Wanting Goals

1.     What are you doing now to get what you want?

2.     What have you done in the past that has helped you get what you want? 

3.     What have you done that didn’t work very well?

4.     Who has been successful at getting what you want? 

5.     What did they do to get it?

6.     Who will you look to for support, feedback and encouragement?

7.     What are the first 3 things you believe you need to do to get what you want?

8.     When will you start doing what you need to do?

9.     How committed are you to doing what you’ve determined needs to be done?

10. What “doing” would you suggest to others who want what you want?

11. What obstacles or roadblocks do you anticipate you will need to work around in order to do what needs to be done?

12. What is your plan for potential challenges?

13. Are you willing to be both gentle and firm with yourself when you self reflect daily on the effectiveness of what you are doing?

14. How will you celebrate your milestones as you do what you set out to do?

A strategy that will prove helpful is for you to write out how your life will be better if you get what you want.  Look for pictures that represent to you how your life would be if you had what you wanted or create your own pictures.  Imagery is a powerful tool in accomplishing in life what you want.  Put those images where you can see them often.  

What to do if you find yourself discouraged or when you find yourself thinking it isn’t worth it? Go back and look at the images remembering how you believe your life will be better.  Then move right into self-evaluation so you can check out what your doing and make any adjustments needed. 

Still learning,

Honey

Getting What You Want Series - Goals

Maybe the most powerful tool I have found that enhances the quality of my life is setting and executing goals.  Powerful because it engages my creativity in helping me to go after what I want.  Lofty goals are intentions that are generally mulled over and never put on paper.  Goals written down become visual destinations.   Like all trips you plan to take you will need a date to depart and a date to arrive.  Developing strategies and identifying key tasks act like a road map plotting out turns and speed limits.    It is wise to plan on alternate routes and to allow for delays.

What is it you want?  Make a list of what you truly believe would enhance the quality of your life.  Give consideration to the impact your want will have on others.  I think your odds for accomplishment will be in your favor if what you want is helping others. 

Learn all you can about mastering the art of self evaluation.   It is crucial you evaluate the usefulness and meaningfulness of what you want.  At times we all have experienced disappointment and surprise after we got what we wanted or what we thought we wanted.  Learn to be very selective about what you want.  Wants are what drive your needs bus.  Don’t become someone who wants and wishes their life away.  Become someone who is very in tune to what your mission in life is, someone dedicated to becoming who you were intended to be.  Acing self evaluation means learning from our mistakes, accepting our humanness and that of others.  It’s about asking great questions of yourself.  It doesn’t mean you won’t be conflicted, it means you will build a muscle that helps you manage the conflict of your wants and needs.

The way we are programmed is that from birth to death we begin capturing pictures in our minds of the people, places, things and beliefs that we believe will help our happiness, help us to be need fulfilled.  Some of the pictures are what we already have while others are pictures of what we hope to have.  Because we have the picture doesn’t mean it’s good for us or that we will get it or should keep it. 

The primary difference between people who are happy most of the time and those that aren’t comes down to  this – the happy most of the time have worked to acquire the art and skill of self evaluation.  Specifically learning how to evaluate those pictures we store or goals we set or wants we have.   It is the skill of a champion; it is how you find your sweet spot.  It is how you stop self sabotaging or buying into fantasies that aren’t within your grasp.  Wanting something for a long time you can’t have or wanting it and not being willing to work for it is a set-up for unhappiness.

As you work on mastering the art of goal setting use the SMARTIE success method.

Specific - your goal is specific and written down

Measurable - you have a means to measure your accomplishment

Attainable - your goal is a stretch but it is attainable

Reasonable - your goal makes sense and is a right fit for your values

Timeline - you have set a time to start and time to finish

Impact - your goal will have a positive impact on someone(s) other than just you

Enthusiasm - you have invested enthusiasm and energy into your goal

Still learning,

Honey

Love Your Work?

"We only get one life, and the urgency of getting on with what we're meant to do increases every day."   - Bob Buford in the foreword of Half Time. 

Can you love your work?  For some that question is an oxymoron.  Only a few can answer yes, while a lot of us just want to experience it!  Enjoying what you do is about finding pleasure in your work, it's about learning, it's about making a difference, being competent/confident, feeling included and knowing you are appreciated.  

People that love their work take full responsibility for where they work.  There are times when you have to provide for yourself/others and you take a job because you have to have one.  That is about meeting the basic need to survive.  Doing a job you love is the result of being determined to be fulfilled in your work.

Find yourself an encourager, a mentor or a life coach and do the dig to tunnel your way to being fulfilled about your work.  Search out people that love what they do and who they do it for.  Learn all you can from them.

Digging into knowing what you love to do, and then learning what you need to do in order to do it well, are key steps toward finding your passion.  The payoff will beneficial beyond measure.

I like to quote Jim Collins who wrote several books including Good to Great, "Whether you prevail or fail depends more on what you do to yourself than what the world does to you."

Do you think it’s possible to love your job?

Still learning,

Honey

Teamwork Worked for the Mavs

I am a die-hard basketball fan.  I was a Rockets season ticket holder for years during the Hakeem and Rudy T. days.  My favorite month of the year is March.  In a perfect world I would be at every Final Four, every year!

What I love about the sport is that it's unquestionably a team sport.  Everyone on the floor has to keep their eye on the ball, run and execute.  How fun for Dallas that they scored the ring this year. LeBron is taking plenty of heat (pun intended) that he couldn't make it happen for Miami.  I think those critics are the talking heads that forgot the only time in modern history that we've seen basketball dominated by a one man show was when Jordan played for the Bulls.

In the business world when a team is easily identified, well-trained, shares a common rule book, looks up to an involved coach and works together to become champions you find a workplace with synergy and extreme job satisfaction.  It may be as rare in the work world as it is in the NBA to find a team that works their heart out and ends up on the top of the heap.  

Lessons to be learned for leadership include how you create a true team, expect greatness, clarify purpose and rules of the game, train, coach, practice, look at the replays, learn from what works and what doesn't and celebrate every step of the way!

Still learning,

Honey 

The Power of Words

Words have always fascinated me. Words empower us to express ourselves and show to others who we are and what we think, believe and feel.   The spoken or written word can be positive and uplifting or can be cruel and wreak havoc on lives and situations. And sometimes, truthful words can be exactly what someone needs to hear. Sometimes things can be said without censure or thought changing forever the way people perceive us or themselves. As school children we may have defended ourselves by saying “sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” to the cruel taunts hurled our way by bullies.  How untruthful that statement is. One only need read the papers for stories of bullying emails and posts that led to someone’s suicide.

A new public service announcement featuring “Glee” star Jane Lynch and a darling little girl reminds us of how negative words affect those who hear them. Perhaps these words are meant to be humorous.  They have become clichés, or cultural slurs that have been used for generations and too often accepted by society.  

Every one of us has the power to make a positive impact on the world by choosing our words thoughtfully. This is expressed in a famous quote: “Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care, for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.”   - Buddha

Our choice of words can make the difference in helping or hurting a relationship. Lifestyle coaches choose truthful words to help their clients grow.  Words of encouragement and validation can be a powerful catalyst to the young or to those learning a new task.

Someone once told me that you can only speak with the words you know so work everyday at adding words to your vocabulary.  If you only knew the word blue and didn't know about teal, aquamarine or periwinkle you would be like an artist who could only paint with one shade of blue.  The more words you know the easier it is to express yourself.

No doubt our words have an impact on others. They have awesome power. Make sure you choose your words wisely. 

This Text Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

After years of controversy the World Health Organization has determined that the energy used to power cell phones may trigger brain cancer in some users.  The information, as it was disseminated today says that 31 scientists from14 countries, including the United States, reviewed peer group studies on cell phone safety to conclude that mobile phone use “possibly” could cause cancer. 

They say that radiation emitted from cell phones is called non-ionizing—similar to low powered microwaves.  However, cell phones are now in the same hazardous category as engine exhaust, lead and chloroform. It is reported that the studies were simply reviews and not in a controlled environment.  Obviously more research needs to be conducted to draw a definite conclusion. 

Will we see cell phone usage minimize as a result of this new report?   I don’t think so.  We have a worldwide addiction to our friend the cellphone whether that’s a Blackberry, a SmartPhone or whatever we call our BFF.  Many people, including myself, become panicky if we lose or break this constant contact attachment. 

So, what will we do with this new information?  What we can do is to make smart choices when using our cell phones.  We can use a headset so that the cell phone is not against our ear; use an adapter in the car allowing the call to go through the  radio; use the speaker feature allowing hands-free operation; and when at home use the old-faithful house phone.

Whether or not cell phone usage will cause brain cancer remains to be seen. However, what we do know about the hazards of cell phones is texting and talking while driving is extremely dangerous. The greatest percentage of single vehicle accidents each year is the result of distracted driving due to cell phone use; many of which are fatal.  Distracted driving cost 6,000 people their lives last year and injured over 500,000.  Maybe the best choice would be to choose to pull off the side of the road when making a call or texting, or better yet commit to no cell phone use while driving.   

Your life and the life of those around you is certainly more important than whatever message the cell phone is trying to deliver. 

Still learning,

Honey

What do you Gamble on?

The stakes can be high when you ignore what you need and grab what you want.  There seems to be a variety of approaches we choose in order to get what we need and want.  An approach may be thoughtful or it could  be a roll of the dice  Sometimes when we consider what we want or need we might try wishing it will happen or try daydreaming or try coming up a with a plan.

Planning, wanting and wishing are often easily confused.  Planning indicates that there is a thoughtful process. When one plans, a strategy is laid out, and with some work, the possibility of a successful outcome is fairly high.  Don’t forget luck and hope are not strategies. Hope is essential to our happiness.  But hope is like faith.  Without action it will evaporate.  The odds are stacked against you if you don't learn to embrace hope with planning and action.

Wishing, on the other hand, is blind hope that everything will turn out okay by the cross of one’s fingers.  Little thought or effort really goes into wishing.  It is fun to wish on a falling star, sometimes buy a lottery ticket, blow out your birthday candles or wave a wand wishing for what you want.  Unfortunately, life rarely rewards those efforts.  Sometimes we step up the wishing and engage in decisions or purchases that have long term obligations or sacrifice a week’s salary without thorough evaluation.  We buy Powerball tickets with money needed for medicine.  Or the wanting urges us to buy things like houses we cannot afford. Most Americans confess they have spent money they don’t have gambling on a better future.  I think that some of the people caught in this American foreclosure mess are a result of thoughtless wishing.

Planning is an important and sometimes painful step in protecting our future.  Establishing habits like having a budget, saving money and learning from a money guru like Suzie Orman can slow down misuse of money or betting on the come.  

Realizing that we don’t need a lot of stuff can be a cathartic journey.  What we really need and want are two separate issues.  Getting real about what are necessities versus what are essentials is an eye opening experience.  Staying real can mean not gambling away what you need for what you want. 

And, then there are those among us that have never known what it would be like to get what we need or have been victim to unfortunate circumstance.  Like the homeless, those born into poverty, those struck by disaster or those trying to win a losing battle with addiction.  Some of those may have become the hopeless and have surrendered to wishing it were different.  For the fortunate among us that do have our needs met we need to look for those who don’t.  

Thank you to the American Red Cross, United Way and the countless numbers of organizations that leap to the aid of so many.

If your needs aren’t being met don’t wait to get lucky, look for help. 

If your needs are being met, get busy and help someone who’s still waiting.

Still learning,

Honey

Amen, Oprah!

For those closest to me they know I am not a devoted Oprah follower.  Her power at times has been alarming to me and her ability to blacklist or blindly support others has been something I have been skeptical about.  Sometimes I thought she would cross from talk show to therapist to censor and campaign manager.  But her audience loved her.

All that being said...after two and a half decades Oprah Winfrey stepped away from her wildly successful television talk show to begin a new chapter in her life.

How she would end this part of her journey was highly speculated in the press and met with anticipation by her millions of followers. Would it be a spectacular event with extravagant giveaways? Would it be one that featured famous and inspiring people or her loyal staff? Her last stint on stage was a display of gratitude, humility and a message that rivaled sermons given by Rev. Billy Graham.


Many people saw Oprah adorn the Fortune 500 List as being one of the most powerful, influential and wealthiest people in the world. They might view her as a celebrity who lives an opulent lifestyle in mansions and exclusivity. She is not one layered and there is more than the home that she lives in or her financial statement to validate how she became such a 20th century powerhouse.


There are so many ways in which she opened our eyes up. She made reading popular and exciting through her book club. She inspired self reflection through gratitude journaling. Education was at the top of her list and was an ongoing topic of discussion. Winfrey described the world as her classroom.

Oprah chose to use her recognition and celebrity to bring awareness to social issues no one else would tackle. She made some people squirm a little as she brought issues to the surface that were uncomfortable but needed to be dealt with. People unafraid to confront personal issues were challenged to make a positive change in their lives. As a television personal coach, she emphasized personal responsibility – to own what is the reality of each person’s life in personal, health and financial issues. Oprah forced us to look at how we fit in to a bigger and sometimes different shaped box.

I did watch most of her last show. The best message I received in her closing tribute to her audience was that we don’t have to be rich or famous to be a powerful force to change or make a difference in the life of someone else. Each one of us, no matter what our circumstances are, can do something to make this a better world. In her final statement, she didn’t take credit for her accomplishments as she said, “To God Be the Glory.”  "Amen, Oprah!"

Green Up our Amazing Earth!

The world celebrated for a day in time on April 22 to commemorate Earth Day.  Individuals, organizations and companies came together to share creative inventions and ideas that will save money, energy and reduce toxins.  It’s amazing what innovations are born when we are confronted with a need.  If awareness of the fragile state of our planet Earth was observed everyday, not just one day a year, what a wonderfully different planet this would and can be. The benefits would be felt on many different levels; health, financial, quality of life.  It takes one person, one idea and one action at a time.  

The first Earth Day, April 22, 1970, was founded by U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson.  According to Wikipedia it has grown from the first year with a participation of 20 million to now more than 500 million people in 192 countries. Many changes and improvements have inspired educated scholars, scientists and most importantly, everyday citizens to explore ways to improve our environment.

Everyone can make a difference. You might not think these differences from one person can make a difference but they do.  We have choices; recycle, ride your bicycle or take mass transit to work or carpool, bring your own reusable bags to the supermarket, block out heat and cold by insulating or calking your home.   The list goes on and on.  We might have to buy into these ideas and make sacrifices that pay off in the end.  With gas sneaking up to $5 a gallon we all will see the effect of fuel surcharges.  Maybe we will have a wakeup call to take action.  Choosing not to drive one day a week could change the entire impact of supply and demand not to speak of the relief the environment would enjoy.

Preserving the integrity of the planet includes involvement with our young people.  Greening education is taking place at home and continues through programs in our schools. Help from environmental organizations, science fairs and contests encourage involvement from the future generations.  Kids love to feel that they make a difference and often times are stunned to learn how a small change of habit can benefit all of us.

Preserving the health of our planet may seem like an impossible task, but it isn’t.  Small changes in lifestyles can make significant differences in our planet; one person, one change at a time, every day at a time.   At the end of the day we will feel better about ourselves and about the future of our planet.  So, let’s not celebrate our amazing planet just one day a year, but everyday. 

I commit to not driving at least one day a week and to continue to recycle.  Most of my purchased books today are eBooks and I have opted in for paperless communication from those I do business with that offer it.  I'll turn on the ceiling fans and turn up the A/C.  What will you commit to?

Still learning,

Honey

Getting Into the Habit of Listening

We rely on so many different skills to get us through our days, months and years.  First to come to mind include survival or coping and, of course, communication.  While all of these are important, the ability to listen, hear and understand what is being said is a life skill that affects every aspect of our lives.

An ancient Chinese proverb goes like this:

 To listen well is as powerful a means

 of influence as to talk well and

 is essential to all true conversation.

Remember the Gossip Game.  I love that game.  I played it as a child and have even had fun at parties playing as an adult.  This is where people are gathered in a circle.  It's a fun but powerful demonstration of what happens to information when it is passed by word of mouth.

Very simply, the players are lined up in a row or a circle. The first person is given a sentence or perhaps several sentences written on a piece of paper. He or she commits the information to memory and then sets the paper aside. He "whispers" the information, as well as he can remember it to the next person in line. This person does the same, passing the information down the line until it reaches the end. 

The last person reveals what he has been told to all assembled. The first person then reads the paper.  Most often the original story is so distorted that there a few similarities to the original version by the time the last person receives it.  Some of the changes can be attributed to perception, but I believe that most of the time it’s simply a case of our inability or willingness to listen and hear what is said.  Most of us want to do the talking.  It’s human nature.

“While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom, 

the necessity of listening is what makes the right important.” 

                                                            - Walter Lippman

Relationships are formed through listening and responding to what is being said. Good listening skills can have a major impact on job effectiveness.  Listening is a key ingredient to problem solving in the business world.   Customers know when their voice is being heard.  World leaders and negotiators shape our futures through key decisions they make listening to each other.  

The brain needs to be attentive for us to capture the words when we listen.    Engaging the heart with the brain is what paves the way for compassion, kindness and understanding.  Successful listeners avoid distractions and work to respond non-judgmentally.  They also go into conversations with an open mind ready to hear what is being spoken.  Heartfelt listening gives insight to what might be between the lines. 

One of my favorite authors, Stephen Covey, has helped professionals all over the globe with his groundbreaking book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  

Habit 5

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.  

What a worthwhile habit for those of us that would like to elevate our listening skills to get into!


Still learning,


Honey

Identify Theft at Any Age

Identity theft has been an increasing problem for many Americans who were cruising along naively thinking their financial lives were safe and secure.  The media coverage of this intrusion brought awareness of this issue and as a result more people began to monitor their credit history, activity and ratings.  The newest target of this problem affects the most unaware – small children.

In a recent report, NBC investigated this latest phenomenon and confronted perpetrators who borrowed money for houses, automobiles and credit cards after stealing the Social Security numbers of our youngest citizens. The cunning thieves unraveled the code in which Social Security numbers are issued and used the numbers of innocent children to obtain loans and credit lines at financial institutions and department stores. 

For the con anything goes, including stealing the identity of a child!  There are children all over America who now have bad credit.  It is a huge nightmare for parents to straighten out, if in fact they even know there is a problem.  I haven't personally experienced the intrusion but as a banker I saw numerous times the challenges identity theft incurs and the years it can take to clean up.

Advice to parents to protect children is to get free credit reports of their children’s Social Security numbers.  The NBC report noted that The Social Security Administration is changing the way in which numbers are distributed. Creditors are requiring more proof if identification.  It is just one of many problems parents face in this uncertain world, but one we can and must do something about.  

Still learning,

Honey