Coaching - Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Conclusion...

Mary finally did what you asked and you engage her in the following conversation.

The Coach        “Mary, let’s go over this together.”

Here’s her list

Behaviors required of my job                         How well I do them (scale of 1 – 5)

Friendly                                                                       4                                                         

Team player                                                                 4

Dependable                                                                  5

Professional                                                                 5

Skills required of my job                                   How well I do them

Know the job                                                                5

Accuracy                                                                     5

Computer-related skills                                                 4

Problem-Solving                                                           4

The Coach        “Mary, I know you were resistant to working on this with me and I am glad you finished the assignment.  Where we started from was - I had asked you how well thought of you wanted to be working here.  You said 4.5 on the 1-5 scale.  This assignment was intended to help you get your 4.5.  Would it surprise you if I told you that every score you gave yourself needs to be lowered by one point and that I would say you are off by at least a point of getting what you want.  So if you want to obtain a 4.5 you will have to raise the bar on your effort and remove the cloud that interferes with both your behaviors and your skills.”

Mary     “What makes you say that?”

The Coach        “Each of the behaviors and skills are compromised by your persistent mood-related behaviors like angering, snubbing your co-workers and choosing to be blunt, resistant and unkind.  Do you think you are willing to stop choosing behavior that has a negative impact on your success?  If you are I can help.  The first step will be for you to build a plan that helps ensure you stop doing what isn’t working and start doing what is in your best interest,” 

Remember to stay focused on your goal.  Your goal is to have Mary take responsibility for behavior that is out of line and harming teamwork and her professional reputation.  Watch out for getting hooked or giving up or buying into myths that you tell someone something one time and that is all it takes.

Coaching isn’t magic.  Mary is a hard case.  Remember to focus on what YOU WANT and teach others to do the same. That is motivation, reaching for what you want.  Help others reach, help them see if what they are doing is working.  The teacher will become the student and Mary just might be less contrary.

Still learning,

Honey

Moving Forward…Coaching the "Chip on My Shoulder Employee"

Where are we?  Oh, yes, wishing Mary wasn't a pain.  The process I am sharing is NOT a quick fix.  It's a solution.  So here we go.

You had asked Mary to write down the behaviors and skills she thinks that are required in order to be very well thought of on the job.

On her list for behaviors she wrote:  Friendly, team player, dependable and professional.  Under skills she has: Know the job, accuracy, computer-related skills, and problem-solving.

You look over the list and tell her you think this is a great start.  Ask her to share her thinking about both lists.  Your job is to listen, to encourage her to speak about both lists.  Don’t ask her to defend what she came up with.  Ask her to share how she came up with it.  Inquire if there is anything more she wants to share about either list.

You are thinking she’s missing some behaviors and skills you expected.  And, you have witnessed first-hand that she is definitely falling short on excelling at several on her list but you don’t share your thinking.

“Mary, you and I are going to routinely meet.  And, we are going to meet to explore what you want, looking into what you need to do to get what you want, together we are going to build a plan to ensure you get what you want and we'll decide some ways to measure how close you are to getting what you want.  How does this sound to you?”

She is skeptical but agreeable.

Have her sign and date the list, make a copy for yourself, she keeps the original.

Give her the next assignment.

“Mary, look over the list each day for a few days, as you do ask yourself if there is anything you want to add.    Then before we meet a week from today I want you to rate yourself using the 1-5 scale on each behavior and skill.  Remember 1 would mean the lowest score you could give yourself, 5 would mean the highest score you could give yourself.  Bring this to our meeting next week so we can talk more about this.”

Stay tuned for Monday’s blog where we explore what else could have happened in this coaching session. Like, what to do if Mary simply won’t make a list or crosses her arms and folds them tight and scows at you in a very uncooperative manner refusing to participate.

Still learning,

Honey

What to Do with the "Chip on my Shoulder" Employee

So here's the situation:

This employee consistently has a chip on her shoulder and her moodiness is a pain. The weather is more predictable. You go to work, the world looks pretty good to you, and the door opens and "trouble" has arrived.  As she whizzes by you without so much as a look you're thinking I need to address this.

Frequently her co-workers complain about her moodiness and her brisk and blunt comments to them. She demonstrates her angriness by slamming doors and huffing and puffing.

This isn't a new issue; this has been going on awhile. It’s not every day but it’s way too often. 

You've prayed it would change, you've approached the mine field around her work space with armor on and been told "I don't bother anyone and I don't want anyone to bother me. I am here to do my job and that's what I do."

You've brought the stressful, disruptive, unkind and sometimes rude behavior up in reviews with her but nothing changes.   She might never change but you must!  So let's get busy on this!

Here’s a question for you and suggestions:

As her manager what do you WANT to have happen? Get real, get honest. Here's what others with an employee such as I have described have told me. "I want the behavior to stop." Well, actually, they've also said things like "I would like to smack her." "I would like to fire her." "I wish she'd leave."

What you want to have happen needs to be in alignment with the company's policies and expectations.  It needs to align with your responsibilities as a manager and your personal value system.

You decide what you want. If you decide you want to address the behavior and create a mutual understanding of what needs to happen going forward I can help you.  Here is your assignment if you chose to take it:

1. Make a list of specific examples of recent behavior that you want to stop. Do not exaggerate. Be factual. Be descriptive. Do not be dramatic. Act like a reporter describing what you saw, heard and what others have reported.  Do not be prepared to go back over months or years or even throw the book at her but you must be able to describe in detail the behavior you saw, heard or was reported to you.

2. Schedule a coaching session; you can do this via email, phone or in-person. Here’s a suggestion on what to say.  “Please make plans to meet with me for 10-15 minutes Wednesday morning at 8:15.”   If she asks what's it about tell her you have some things to go over with her.  That’s all you tell her.

If you routinely (hope you do) coach then you are dedicating your next coaching session with Mary to addressing this issue.   Addressing is the beginning.  It is not the end.

Best practices for all coaching sessions: be calm, sit on the same side of the desk or sit around a table, have water for you and her, have a clock where you both can see it, have paper and pen for each of you. Do not answer your phone or email and put a do not disturb sign on the door.

3. "Mary, I wanted to meet with you to determine something. I would like to know how well thought of you want to be as an employee of the company and as a member of my team. On a scale of 1-5 what would be the number that fits best – using a gauge of one meaning it doesn't matter and five meaning you want to be held in high regard, what number – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 would be the number you want?"

Expect possible derailments of questions from Mary including what's this about, what do you mean, etc. Just stick to the script. You need her to answer the question.

You don’t defend, over explain or get into any behavior issues at this point.  Stay focused on this first question.

I will blog on this again tomorrow. Between now and then I want you to make a list of what you think you would say according to the number she gives you. Then you can compare you answers to mine.

Until tomorrow…

Still learning,

Honey