Getting Into the Habit of Listening

We rely on so many different skills to get us through our days, months and years.  First to come to mind include survival or coping and, of course, communication.  While all of these are important, the ability to listen, hear and understand what is being said is a life skill that affects every aspect of our lives.

An ancient Chinese proverb goes like this:

 To listen well is as powerful a means

 of influence as to talk well and

 is essential to all true conversation.

Remember the Gossip Game.  I love that game.  I played it as a child and have even had fun at parties playing as an adult.  This is where people are gathered in a circle.  It's a fun but powerful demonstration of what happens to information when it is passed by word of mouth.

Very simply, the players are lined up in a row or a circle. The first person is given a sentence or perhaps several sentences written on a piece of paper. He or she commits the information to memory and then sets the paper aside. He "whispers" the information, as well as he can remember it to the next person in line. This person does the same, passing the information down the line until it reaches the end. 

The last person reveals what he has been told to all assembled. The first person then reads the paper.  Most often the original story is so distorted that there a few similarities to the original version by the time the last person receives it.  Some of the changes can be attributed to perception, but I believe that most of the time it’s simply a case of our inability or willingness to listen and hear what is said.  Most of us want to do the talking.  It’s human nature.

“While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom, 

the necessity of listening is what makes the right important.” 

                                                            - Walter Lippman

Relationships are formed through listening and responding to what is being said. Good listening skills can have a major impact on job effectiveness.  Listening is a key ingredient to problem solving in the business world.   Customers know when their voice is being heard.  World leaders and negotiators shape our futures through key decisions they make listening to each other.  

The brain needs to be attentive for us to capture the words when we listen.    Engaging the heart with the brain is what paves the way for compassion, kindness and understanding.  Successful listeners avoid distractions and work to respond non-judgmentally.  They also go into conversations with an open mind ready to hear what is being spoken.  Heartfelt listening gives insight to what might be between the lines. 

One of my favorite authors, Stephen Covey, has helped professionals all over the globe with his groundbreaking book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  

Habit 5

Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.  

What a worthwhile habit for those of us that would like to elevate our listening skills to get into!


Still learning,


Honey