Soliciting Feedback and Taking It Well

It is easy to say you want to know if someone has feedback for you but it may be tough to go ask for it.  Tougher still to hear it.  One of the best relationship enhancers you can put to use is referred to as "The 3-3-3" and here is how it works.  First, you select a handful of candidates to solicit feedback from and ask them independent of one another to take a few days and ponder the following:

• What are three things, from your perspective, that I do that help our working/personal relationship?
• What are three things I do that you don't view as helpful?
• What are three things I don't do that you think if I did them would help our relationship? 

You will meet with your candidates one-on-one for your feedback session.

When you make the request for them to participate in this exercise, ask that they give you examples, as best they can, that illustrate the feedback they will be providing.

Your candidate may think this is a set-up or be terrified to be candid; thinking you might retaliate against them.  If either one of those side effects is a possibility, don't solicit the feedback.  Be very cautious sharing with others that are connected to your candidates any part of the feedback they offered.  Keep it to yourself.  Trust is essential to successful relationships.  If you have more power in the relationship than your candidate they may be more afraid to offer feedback than you are to receive it.

One of my coaching clients said she had the courage to do "The 1-1-1" and I supported her approach!  It's gutsy to solicit feedback.  And,  it is an important skill you will want to develop in order to become reasonably happy and highly successful in relationships.

Let your candidate know that you will follow up with them on a certain date and time that works for both of you and that you would appreciate their candor. Have a start and stop time for your feedback session and refrain from offering them feedback even if they ask for it.  Tell them you would be glad to reciprocate and set a date with them to do that.  This session is simply and completely about the feedback they have for you.

On the appointed day, remind yourself to forgo being defensive and up your game as a listener.    If your candidate gives you feedback - either positive or negative -  that you can't relate to try saying this.  "I must have a blind spot about that, do me a favor and give me a gentle nudge in private the next time you see me do that."   Close the session with a sincere thank you for the feedback.

Look for opportunities to solicit feedback and to be a role model on how to receive it!

Still learning,

Honey

Role Models at Work

You have heard it said, “hitch your wagon to a star”,  if you want to get where you want to go.  Aim high.  Be in search of those that have done what you want to do.  Role models are the stars that have aimed high and hit the target.  A role model is a person who others look up to and admire.  A role model provides inspiration and stirs up motivation in others.  Role models send messages about their convictions by what they do and what they say.  

Self-Assurance

A role model is self-assured and happy with themselves.  As you nurture a healthy self-esteem, others will look up to you.  Hang on to your independence; show you don’t need to follow current trends that don't  fit with your value system.   Maintain your balance.  Be proud of who you are, but never cocky or arrogant.

Manage Stress Positively

Being human means having to constantly deal with stress and routinely overcome obstacles.  A role model sets a good example on how to handle pressure.  Become a pro at handling stress and managing yourself when the pressure heats up.  When you mess up, be quick to forgive and make note of lessons learned and what you would do differently next time.

Trustworthiness

A revered role model is honest and works at refraining from exaggeration.   Treasure your integrity and do the right thing even if no one is looking.  Trust in the boomerang theory – what goes around comes around.

Perseverance

Deliver on promises and stay the course even when overwhelmed and you want to give up.  Perseverance is a key character trait.  Role models have a track record.  They have mastered the art of working hard while working smart for something worthwhile.  Become that someone that inspires dreams and determination of reaching goals in others.  Show others the way to get where they want to go.

Respect for Others

How you treat others says it all about who you are.  Kindness and courtesy are key ingredients to showing and receiving respect.   True models embrace accountability and responsibility and never take credit for ideas or solutions that belong to someone else.

Find a role model and become one.  Pass it forward.

Still learning,

Honey