If you haven’t worked with someone you would describe as mean or
“out to get you”, count yourself lucky.
Most of us have had experience with stressful relationships in the
workplace, but it all comes down to looking at just what degree of stress we
are talking about. As a workplace coach, I hear plenty about
behavior that is dysfunctional at best, and some that truly crosses the line
and could be construed as bullying or even a hostile work environment.
Depending on ego and personality type, a co-worker might imagine or
even act out what they’d like to do to people at work they are mad at or don’t
like. From sarcasm, to ill-intended
gossip the stress and hurtfulness is abundant.
Immature power plays that include setting people up for embarrassment or
baiting a co-worker with hateful comments or downright defiance can destroy job
satisfaction and morale.
If you are a manager, you are obligated to create a safe
workplace. That includes setting
boundaries, educating and encouraging cooperative behavior, stressing that courtesy
and kindness is expected by and to everyone – not just the customer.
When employees struggle to get along, encourage communication – to talk it out, stay as neutral as you can
while coaching each one involved to self-evaluate what they do that contributes
to the problem and what they are willing to do differently
.
Don’t focus on blame and old history. Focus on what is acceptable and
unacceptable. If you are in a service
business explain that the same courtesy that is ALWAYS expected to be extended
to the customer is expected among the team.
Don’t set up situations that cause resentment, confusion and
distrust. When the evidence is clear
that an employee is bullying, spreading cruel gossip and openly defiant to
those they work with – move on it! The
employee must be told that the behavior is not acceptable; it must cease, and
will be a cause for serious consequences.
Document the discussion, follow-up, follow through. When a situation is seriously escalated and then addressed it must be followed up.
Recently, I was coaching a high-level executive assistant who was
given added responsibilities. The new
tasks included training and supervising the company’s receptionist. This change was prompted by ongoing
disappointment with regard to how the receptionist performed.
While the EA was given the new responsibility, the lines of
authority were blurred and confusing.
Dual reporting was part of the structure, the receptionist would report
to her existing manager and to the EA. The EA, who had an entirely different manager,
was expected to coach and supervise a highly resistant employee that wasn’t
doing her job correctly, actually refusing to do certain tasks expected,
misusing time off and deliberately defying certain procedures.
The EA was excited about the challenge but had to do the job with
her hands tied behind her back. It was a
disaster. The receptionist chose to
ignore the coaching and training, and instead worked hard to spread gossip and
sabotage the EA. Ultimately, the
receptionist lost her job. She wasn’t
the only casualty. Others on the team
watched and saw how the top of the company set up a good employee to fail.
Probably with the best of intentions, leadership ignored all the
warning signs and tolerated all the deviance, flagrant misbehaving and cruelty to
go on far too long – “hoping it would just go away”. It will take time for the staff to restore
confidence and trust after an event like this.
Here is
a first-hand account of the aftermath: “Gossip is dangerous, hurtful and toxic. When you are
the target you feel violated, helpless and angry. I think part of the motivation of gossip is
to provoke the target to emotional overload.
You have to hang tough because forfeiting professional maturity can do
serious harm to your reputation. Though
I was seriously challenged by my co-worker I wasn’t willing to act out but I
came close, lost sleep and was highly stressed.
Glad I had an outsider supporting me.”
“Hopefully, I would feel like I
could decline if ever asked to supervise someone who would be reporting to two
people. Instead of respecting me, my
co-worker resented me and saw me as interfering and chose to try to get even
with me. The retaliation created an unpleasant circumstance for a lot of
people. This is the first time I have
ever experienced bullying. In the end,
the right thing prevailed but it went on too long. As stressful as this was for me, I learned
that I have to keep my side of the street clean. Personal integrity and accountability for my
behavior is where I had to keep coming back to.
Now, my focus is to restore my job satisfaction and to heal from the
side effects that come with working with a co-worker from hell.”
Still learning,
Honey
