Coaching - Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Conclusion...

Mary finally did what you asked and you engage her in the following conversation.

The Coach        “Mary, let’s go over this together.”

Here’s her list

Behaviors required of my job                         How well I do them (scale of 1 – 5)

Friendly                                                                       4                                                         

Team player                                                                 4

Dependable                                                                  5

Professional                                                                 5

Skills required of my job                                   How well I do them

Know the job                                                                5

Accuracy                                                                     5

Computer-related skills                                                 4

Problem-Solving                                                           4

The Coach        “Mary, I know you were resistant to working on this with me and I am glad you finished the assignment.  Where we started from was - I had asked you how well thought of you wanted to be working here.  You said 4.5 on the 1-5 scale.  This assignment was intended to help you get your 4.5.  Would it surprise you if I told you that every score you gave yourself needs to be lowered by one point and that I would say you are off by at least a point of getting what you want.  So if you want to obtain a 4.5 you will have to raise the bar on your effort and remove the cloud that interferes with both your behaviors and your skills.”

Mary     “What makes you say that?”

The Coach        “Each of the behaviors and skills are compromised by your persistent mood-related behaviors like angering, snubbing your co-workers and choosing to be blunt, resistant and unkind.  Do you think you are willing to stop choosing behavior that has a negative impact on your success?  If you are I can help.  The first step will be for you to build a plan that helps ensure you stop doing what isn’t working and start doing what is in your best interest,” 

Remember to stay focused on your goal.  Your goal is to have Mary take responsibility for behavior that is out of line and harming teamwork and her professional reputation.  Watch out for getting hooked or giving up or buying into myths that you tell someone something one time and that is all it takes.

Coaching isn’t magic.  Mary is a hard case.  Remember to focus on what YOU WANT and teach others to do the same. That is motivation, reaching for what you want.  Help others reach, help them see if what they are doing is working.  The teacher will become the student and Mary just might be less contrary.

Still learning,

Honey